teachers talk about their students... students talk about their teachers too... and that's how the world of schooling goes.

I don't know when I will stop feeling and reacting about certain things and situations that happens to me every thursday. thursday = Consultation day with mentor = thesis day. My mentor's in school every thursday only so it has become a ritual of dropping by the faculty department before and after classes.. and I tell you...

Today, I felt like a bleeding flesh thrown in a pool of sharks.

But prior to that, in one of my classes we had this exam. But this wasn't that typical examination you get from your classes but out of being pissed. There's this prof. who's been trying so hard to "control" us by giving too many demands as if she already knows us too well. But she doesnt, is she crazy? She hasn't even gained our trust yet and no matter how many rules she implement, unless she gives us a reason why, we don't do exactly as she says. So much for being in a college of education man... you think we're supposed to be guilty, well sorry our conscience does not tell us that we did something that would justify how you reacted. What happened to teachers walking out of the room?!?! ... Quiz=Punishment? you are so so so traditional. You think we're afraid of quizess? We're not afraid of you. And how unprofessional. You take and act on things personally. You don't like us? well NEWS FLASH. we don't like you either, but the world happens to let our path cross and we can't do anything about it but be your student and be your teacher. but damn please do your job well will ya. else go back where you came from! YOU a-hole you're manipulating our grades just because you're mad!? damn you really! you're never fit to be a teacher! the deal was our grades are coming from a paper. and you give us an exam!? i hope you never get married. HAH!

Quiz=Punishment. my gosh. am i in high school???? So what are you happy now because you gave us "stress". i feel fvcking violated. and as usual we're supposed to take the quiz because you're the teacher and you hold the "authority". fvck you don't deserve to be respected.

If you know fear doesn't work with us then why don't you try using a diferrent strategy then MAYBE, just MAYBE we will obey you this time. tsss... I'm too preoccupied to dwell on that teacher's personality problem and just told myself

"there are worst people out there".

Going back to the pool of sharks. I know that the submission for thesis is only a week ahead, but damn can't teachers give even more pressure? There's too many voices and I can no longer identify whom to listen to. and literally TOO MANY VOICES. I thought I was only going to consult from our mentor and our statistical guider (if there's such a word)... I hear some say that how are we going to defend our thesis if we don't even know our statistics. er, not to be bitchy, but doi... ofcourse we're going to learn about it. please don't assume that i'm stupid not to know that i have no choice but to personally understand our thesis. that's why i'm consulting ain't I. I'm trying to figure out what are the things that we need to know. HOW THE FVCK ARE YOU GOING TO KNOW THE THINGS you need to know?! tell me now because I do not know. ... I know the means on how to know things but that's just it. what do i need to know??

it's like you're in a library and you know how to look for a book, its just you don't know what you're looking for. I just wish... for one day... atleast one thursday... i'm not being pulled down by people you're supposed to look up to. I'm not complaining, because yeah. they're your teachers. and it's their job to put you down so that you will learn to pull yourself up on your own. but sheessh i didn't know that's their ONLY job.

sticks and stones may break my bones. so kill me.

another one of damn 'em thursdays... so many voices entering in my head. (like i said. bleeding flesh in a swarm of hungry sharks) blah blah this. blah blah that. blah blah you're not doing good. it's not yet our defense but why do i feel like the whole department's my panel! ...

well i'm sorry lah, im not the best student. but i'm sure hell trying to do my best so will you give me a favor and not try to pull me down???? ... even just give me a rest? I'm trying to do my best to believe in myself and you're taking that belief away from me each time i hear unneccesary remarks.

another one of damn 'em school days. if nobody's going to believe in my comptence its good thing i still believe in myself, i just wish this belief don't gradually... i don't know, fade away?

THE UNIVERSE DOES NOT THROW ANY CHALLENGES OR OBSTACLES THAT YOU CANNOT HANDLE...

but the teachers do.